enough with the vampires and zombies

can we go back to
village of the damned
and children of the corn?

Evolution of spam

being cc'd in facebook messages
that you want no part of.
at least you can mute
conversation threads in gmail

I had this strange dream

where i met you in some decrepit shack in the jungles of vietnam. you had a giant square maze tattoo'd across your back. at seemingly random positions were the numbers 2, 4, 8 and 10. you said they meant something special. then you started laughing a maniacal laugh. that was disturbing.

have you stopped laughing yet?

what do the numbers mean?
is that where you buried the bodies?

the best car alarm

would be the sound of a baby crying

not only is it the most annoying sound ever
but for some reason, people gravitate towards it

in last night's dream

i found myself at a table in a Manchurian restaurant
in the company of the generals from Mulan

we were drinking and dining, speaking chinese
into the wee hours of the night having a grand ol' time

i wish i could google translate my dreams

last night's dream takes the cake

oh wait, no. that was me. i took the cake;
at John Rambo's retirement function

there weren't that many people in attendance
but there were a ton of Ziggy cards

Is this what cartoonists look forward to
after syndication?

i had a weird dream

i'm sat in a hall, writing an exam for an advanced chemistry class.
pretty drawings and words but none of it makes any sense to me.

i have to hurry through it though as i have a plane to catch. i'm going on a vacation?

all the questions seem to be multiple choice which improves my chances somewhat...
oddly enough there are faint pencil marks around some of the answers... it's like someone tried this test before me but didn't finish. i figure going with pencil-mark-guy's answers couldn't be any worse than my own random guesses...

but i'm still panicking, trying to finish. most everyone else is done and handed in their papers

the prof calls me to hand in mine.
"yeah, yeah, almost done" as i flip through pages marking random answers

suddenly there's an accident. the building's shaking, something's gone wrong, but i don't care.
i'm glad. glad because the mad panic of the crowd gives me a bit of extra time to finish this paper!

the prof asks the few of us left writing to turn in the papers as we're out of time
he leaves with the box and says to follow him to his office.
i rush to hand in the paper and not get disqualified.
but as i leave the hall and enter the main building, all i see is a sea of people
i must have taken the wrong door cuz i'm in the english department
i push my way through to the admin receptionist and ask her
the way to the chem professor's office

she doesn't know who he is. fair enough, which way to the chem department
we don't have a chem department...

i look at my watch.
my flight has left the gate.

in my dream

i woke up on the couch
to find you two sitting there,
one on the same couch as me,
and another on a couch i don't have,
in front of a fireplace i don't have
and someone moved my tv to sit
in front of the balcony

upon waking, you tell me i have "lincoln hair"
WTF is lincoln hair??!

also, which one of you bitches
peed in the dishwasher i don't have?

idea for a book title

I'M GONNA START

you think up the title

i had this weird dream

some how we had gotten hold of a giant octopus and some big flat fish on ice in a big blue cooler, and we didn't know what to do with it. we were driving around town to different chinese restaurants to see if we could get someone to cook them for us.

then finally, at the end, some guy in an italian pizza shop got involved and decided he'd help out. he made a giant lasagna out of it all. except he didn't know how to scale a fish or what to do with the octopus, so he just chopped everything and stuck it all in as it was.

then we tried to drop it off at a homeless shelter but they wouldn't take it and so we went to another one where, rather than talking to the person running the place, we did a drop and dash. someone should start up a place that will just cook up your hunt/catch. seriously.

i had a weird dream

i'm at work and the boss man has called a meeting. he passes out a photocopied, hand bound notebook with pages upon pages of notes, in type and chicken-scratch, detailing the physics in the spider-man movies. he tells us we are going to be tested on this set of physics and tries to stress it's importance to our work.

then it got weird and i woke up.

i had this weird dream

there was a bbq. my family was there. as were mr. T and murdock. you came over with a pack of hot dogs and this big aluminum tray full of fries. you kept insisting the way to grill hot dogs was to place the aluminum tray full of fries on the grill and place the hot dogs on the bed of fries. that way the flavors would infuse. who does that??? i left shortly after, but how'd that turn out for ya, freak?

meeting deliverables?

NewEgg.ca's delivery sucks!

I've had items delivered
from Hong Kong faster!