i can't watch movies

at the movie theatre
everything plays 1x speed
and there is no fast forward
why would i PAY for that?

what an amazing birthday!

everyone was invited to a big top set up inside your house
where we were witness to a 5-man skrillix cover band

this followed by a magic show performed by
an 8 year old in a green dinosaur costume

after these main events, the remaining people
were treated to a lan party consisting of
rows of fruit colored imacs.

the game you ask? whatever was your pleasure.
people individually played popcap games
you were playing some baking game
and had figured out a cheat

then we all called it a night
except it wasn't night time, but afternoon

and since your house was so conveniently located
at the end of costco's parking lot, i decided
it was time for a costco trip

i didn't need anything but it's always fun to go sampling
and i decided to pick up some pickled green olives and onions

on the way home we decided to join a rally car race
which happened to drive down a multi-tiered waterfall
it looked ridiculously scary when i watched
other drivers taking the dive but somehow
wasn't as bad when i was doing it
i could definitely see the thrill in
the short bursts of loss of control as we went down

somehow my car never flooded and didn't get wrecked
it didn't get completely cleaned either though
waterfalls are not equivalent to a car wash

and when i got home, i woke up to find
that there are still 3 hours till i need to wake up...

windows 8 gets so much flack

and yet, i don't remember anyone complaining
the first time they used a smart phone or a tablet
iOS and Android are equally unintuitive to the uninitiated

it's quite a dilemma

i got two emails today.
one promised $950,000.00
and another a hefty $10,500,000.

which benefactor do i help?

do i prioritize by urgency or
do i give preference by my own greed?

or do i simply wait on the good chance that
there may be a third soul who is even more
generous than the previous two individuals?

better than watching baseball

i had this dream in which we're
lying in the grass, "star-gazing"

watching a different set of bodies
in a film on a giant movie screen
stretched across the stadium dome

no need to go to the lobby --
"get your fresh peanuts here!"

pharmacists

are bartenders
for old people

i had this strange dream

you decided putting in a pee pool
was a much better idea than a pee trough.

you're meant to expunge of the liquid
not collect it, dumb ass!

and no, it wouldn't make your idea
any better if you put fish in there...

though, I am curious if any would survive

you may think i'm

an international man of mystery
but in reality, i'm just a man
with limited vocabulary

i had this strange dream

i saw you and your husband on campus
they say couples start to look alike
but wearing a fake beard doesn't seem
like the right way to start off
a new school year, you bearded freak

i had this strange dream

escaping from a false accusal
by climbing into a "secret" chamber
inside the castle tower is not
a brilliant idea when it happens
to be at the same time as the invasion
of the neighboring borough's medieval army

photoshop as a verb

is prevalent in conversations about photos,
but it's very strange to hear someone use it to describe video

why have Final Cut Pro or Adobe Premiere not caught on?
Hell, I'd even take iMovie or Windows Movie Maker
over hearing someone describe a "Photoshopped" video

the new neighbor

is a fat cranky old man with a santa beard.
he occasionally sits in the balcony and
yells at kids in an unusual but effective manner:
"stop running on the lawn!..... HO! HO! HO!"

The one bonus benefit

of having statistics on your site
is the discovery of strange new
mediums people use to visit

I'd never heard of Kazehakase!

I wonder if spammers

get inspiration from
the spam in their mailbox

I had this dream

Where I asked you for 10 bucks
You said no
I said why not?
You said I still owe you 10 bucks from last time
I said put it on my tab
You said that's what you said the last 5 times
I don't have your 50 bucks man.