why do they keep making tablets

and touting them as computer replacements
when the ecosystem is so ridiculously crippled?

obviously canadian

kinda surprised

Daddy Yankee's Como y vete
didn't make it onto
soundtrack for Pixels (2015)

it gets old real fast

asking the pregnant ladies at the office
"is it bring your kid to work day again?"

i've never had a korean melon

when i go to the grocery store, i tend to pick random fruits and vegetables i've never had just to try them. i saw one last week that i'd never tried before. the closest sign to it was 'korean melon'. i decided to give it a shot. when i brought it up to the cashier, she asked what it was and i replied 'korean melon'. i then took it home and started the usual routine of googling/youtubing it to see what people do with it. all pictures/videos that came up showed a round-ish yellow fruit; whereas this was a long green smooth oval. 'deformed and unripe?' i thought. i let it sit for a week till it finally started to get some black spots. no, i guess this won't ripen any further. might as well make the best of it. i began to slice it open and my knife got stuck quarter of the way through. tried from the other side, then finally pulled it open to find that it's... a giant avocado! i still have never had a korean melon.

You'll find out when you're older you say

knowing full well they have no way
of ever remembering the question later
it's not like they're writing it down in a book
called "questions to ask when i am older"
dunno if i ever got all the answers
their gravestone will say...

if self-driving vehicles overtake the future

there will be no more speeding.
where will speed trap towns
get their regular revenue?

missed connections

discrete black
cross trainers
without mesh


elusively exclusive

the u.s. had "friends"

u.k. had "coupling"
i wonder if other countries
had their own versions
"how you doin'?"

dear google

it is not considered an improvement
if it now takes me longer to access my content

more clicks, more taps, more frustrations

please quit f'ng around with the ui
and continue to work on just the back-end

wonder if there's a market for that

a twerking jesus doll captioned:
"turn the other cheek"

old navy is the ultimate hipster

their playlist consists entirely of
the most obscure songs by the
most obscure artists

grocery stores feature
hits from some bygone era
and i can sing along to them...

if anyone needs me, i'll be at david's house

┌| ◔ ▃ ◔ |┐

did you know these had a name?
did you know it was "donger"?
did you know there's a list?
now you know. you're welcome.

know the difference

any cooking i do can technically be classified
as "authentic {country of my origin} food"
it cannot, however, ever be classified
as being good cuisine...

... is an Equal Opportunity Affirmative Action Employer

F/M/V/D does not stand for

Female / Male / Vagina / Dick

cuz that would just be redundant

"what's happening?"

a gerund

"what's up?"

"an adjective"
"wha...?"
"it's also a verb, an adverb, a preposition, and a noun"

I had this dream

in the midst of the partiers i spot ronnie coleman
he agrees to a photo together but i can't find my camera
i hand you my crappy phone and hope for the best
"yeah buddy!" we all smile
"one more" you say -- twice. we oblige
and with that we thank ronnie who runs off
i get back my phone only to see pics of your face
cuz you had taken three pictures from the front-facing camera

damn your drunk ass!